What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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