Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
