butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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