the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
