worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
