Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
