my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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