"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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