we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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