i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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