is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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