Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
