did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
