Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
