I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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