found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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