I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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