I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
