quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
