You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
