one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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