i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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