Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
