I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
