actually, I'm a sock model
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
