playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
