I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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