yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
