I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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