It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
