Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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