the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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