Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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