How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
