JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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