he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
