I am midnight drunk by noon
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My vagina is officially offended.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
