My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
