Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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