Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
