Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
