Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found the puke drawer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
