I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
