He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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