omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
