she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
