if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
be right there i have to get my cape
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
