OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
