omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
