I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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