I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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