Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
