I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
