i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
