Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
