It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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