READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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