Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So vagazzling was a success
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
