BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
