The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
