the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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