I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
did you just send me my own nude
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
