The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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