i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
