Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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