So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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