I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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