i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
