Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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