just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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