don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
