Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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