The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
