we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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