That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
