My nipple is on Facebook.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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