Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize