the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
