all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
