He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
